Some day you may understand why I can never let go..

Can't
feel better without feeling worse.
Can't get a blessing without getting
cursed.
It's a yin yang feeling-
that's leaving me reeling.
Sometimes I
succeed but sometimes I fail.
Won't someone be the one to tip my life's
scale?

I have recently discovered a feature on my phone that allows me to upload texts to a "journal" page, saving things I write for later. Convenient, as lately all of the poetry I have written has been on my way home, lat at night, with only my text messaging to record it. On this drive I could find no inspiration, only tears, so instead I share with you what I had managed to save.

There is a warmth in your smile.
Sometimes it takes awhile.
But it always grows.
Till at last it shows.
Like the rising of the sun.
When dawn at last has won.
Surviving every fight.
You overcome the night.

The moon peers down.
Its gaze transfixed by.
The city lights that make the stars.
Of our own galaxy.
The sky is clear and black.
Below sleep hearts just the same.
There is no magic on this night.
A pregnant pause waiting to explode.
Exhale harshly and see.
That even monsters lie in bed.
Tomorrow brings a new fight.
Dreams portend the coming of the Great War.

These things I do, I do for you.
Each step I make, each breath I take, each smile I fake, I do for you.
These things I do, I do for me.
Each time I kiss, each time I miss, each moment bliss, I do for me.
These things I do, I do for us.
Each hurt I bear, each way I care, each time I'm there, I do for us.

It's difficult to see the answers though I often question why.
Why I stand alone so unrelenting.
You wonder why I try.
It's not for my ambition or some foolish senseless game.
It's just because when I met you life would never be the same.
And I... I keep praying (praying for us).
And I.... I keep dreaming (dreaming of your kiss).
Welcome to my senselessness, the nature of my hopelessness.

It seems like only last December.
When we gave life a new start.
Yet I can't bear to remember.
It's too hard upon my heart.
My eyes well with tears.
Recalling love we shared.
And through the many years.
All the trials we have beared.
What memories remain to me.
Are torn and bittersweet.
I dare not let my heart deeply dream.
For never well would I sleep.
I grasp at clouds in anguish.
Failing to take flight.
One thing alone that I wish.
For you and I to share our nights.

I'm driving home.
Tears fill my eyes.
What do I expect?
It's no surprise.
She asks again.
Am I okay?
With her I am.
What can I say?
The truth is plain.
My heart lies bared.
But still I tremble.
Though I'm not scared.
I smile at her.
Love in my eyes.
What does she expect?
It's no surprise.

Break me. Burn me.
Forsake and spurn me.
Hell is better than hopeless purgatory.
Rape me. Cut me.
Tear open and gut me.
Isn't it such a sob story?
Found you. Lost you.
What did it cost you?
To tear your soul away from this?
Harm you? Desert you?
How did I hurt you?
To make you shun your true love's kiss?